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Welcome to as told by ellie

you're
the
tits!
holy shit
you look
amazing!

Woman owned, florida based small business

Here's the deal, bitches - I'm all about making people smile and occasionally laugh so hard, they pee their pants a little bit. Seeing swear words in birthday cards made me giggle and here I am now - making the world a funnier place, one card at a time.

you are a
badass

birthday cards

Some of them talk shit, some of them might get you laid, some of them are sweet AF - all of them are hilarious.
  • Happy Birthday You Beautiful Bitch Card
    Happy Birthday You Beautiful Bitch Card
    Happy Birthday You Beautiful Bitch Card

    Happy Birthday You Beautiful Bitch Card

    $6.00
    Regular price
  • Happy Birthday You Fucking Fossil Card
    Happy Birthday You Fucking Fossil Card
    Happy Birthday You Fucking Fossil Card

    Happy Birthday You Fucking Fossil Card

    $6.00
    Regular price
  • Candles Birthday Card
    Candles Birthday Card
    Candles Birthday Card

    Candles Birthday Card

    $6.00
    Regular price
  • Tits Birthday Card
    Tits Birthday Card
    Tits Birthday Card

    Tits Birthday Card

    $6.00
    Regular price

Keepin' it real with yo momma

  • Mom Today Wouldn't Mean Shit Without Me Mother's Day Card
  • Mom Today Wouldn't Mean Shit Without Me Mother's Day Card
  • Mom Today Wouldn't Mean Shit Without Me Mother's Day Card
  • Mom Today Wouldn't Mean Shit Without Me Mother's Day Card
  • Mom Today Wouldn't Mean Shit Without Me Mother's Day Card
Regular price

Customer Reviews

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2023 holidays

Valentine's Day

February 4, 2023

February 14, 2023

Mother's Day

May 4, 2023

June 8, 2023

Father's Day

June 8, 2023

June 18, 2023

Halloween

October 21, 2023

October 31, 2023

Christmas

December 15, 2023

December 25, 2023

greeting cards and gifts for horrible people
  • ★★★★★

    “This card is beautiful, unique and artistic. It's perfect to celebrate an important day and you can't find something like this in a store.”

    Melissa N
  • ★★★★★

    “ELLIE DOES NOT MISS! This is my second order and I just can not get enough! I'm obsessed with the packaging & that's how you really win over a person!”

    Jasmine K
  • ★★★★★

    “I love this card! You guys have the funniest ones. I can't wait to order more and I can't wait to see my boyfriend's face when he gets it. Thanks so much.”

    Julia R
  • ★★★★★

    “Absolutely the funniest and best card I've purchased!! I definitely recommend!! IT WILL BE A HIT!!”

    Abby
  • ★★★★★

    “So satisfied! The card I ordered came exactly as I was hoping. It is evident that the seller puts a lot of time and effort into satisfying her customers. Will definitely be buying from this shop again!”

    Halee S
  • ★★★★★

    “First of all, I love how my item was packaged. Secondly, I recieved my order quickly. Last, but certainly not least, I love the extra goodies that arrived with my order. I'm definitely ordering from here again!”

    Deidra
  • ★★★★★

    “The card is perfect but the packaging was my favorite part. Thank you!”

    Jessica G
  • ★★★★★

    “Always ships fast and this shop has the best stuff. Love the details when you receive the items too!!”

    Corie C
  • ★★★★★

    “Card is what I wanted, husband loved it and seller was super fast at getting back to me when I reached out, I'm thankful for this shop and their service!”

    Abby
  • ★★★★★

    “I love this so much. I gave it to my sister, and my family was passing it around; it got a lot of compliments and smiles. It was delivered quickly, and there was a lot of nice touches on it from the seller. Would definitely buy from this shop again!”

    Emma

CELEBRATE + NORMALIZE SOBRIETY

Let your sober loved one know how proud of them you are!
  • Damn You Look Good Sober Card
    Damn You Look Good Sober Card
     
    Damn You Look Good Sober Card

    Damn You Look Good Sober Card

    Regular price $5.50
  • Look At You Staying All Sober and Shit Card
    Look At You Staying All Sober and Shit Card
     
    Look At You Staying All Sober and Shit Card

    Look At You Staying All Sober and Shit Card

    Regular price $5.50
  • Sober & Still The Shit Card
    Sober & Still The Shit Card
     
    Sober & Still The Shit Card

    Sober & Still The Shit Card

    Regular price $6.00
  • Podcast

    Be sure to give our podcast, F*ck The Status Quo, a listen! It's sole mission is to create less assholes on the planet. I'm down for that. Are you down for that?

  • check out the blog

    If you're in the mood to laugh and want to feel smart AF and say you read something today, then look no further than the As Told By Ellie blog. It is, afterall, how this whole thing started.

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