10 Ways to be Less of an Asshole This Month

Hey bitches, it’s Ellie Blake. Welcome back to the Fuck the Status Quo Podcast in blog form. If you’re new here, welcome to the party. This is a party where everyone is invited, unless you’re an asshole. Because I am on a mission to create less assholes on the planet and this article is all about, you guessed it, assholes. 

Here I Am Surprise GIF

Not like your actual asshole but I have compiled a list of 10 things you can do this month to reduce your assholeness level. 

  1. Be present. Pay attention to what is going on around you. Turn your phone off, put it in the other room, whatever you gotta do. Unplug, relax, unwind, be social, go for a walk. Enjoy the moment. 
    Angry Season 4 GIF by The Office
  2. Try meditating if you don’t already. “I’ve tried meditation, it doesn’t work for me. My mind doesn’t get quiet. I have too many thoughts.” Ah, yes. Welcome to being human. You ain’t special. That happens to everyone when they start meditating. Get to work. Try it for one minute. Slowly add on time. 
  3. Go outside. It’s good for you. 
    Bring It In Jimmy Fallon GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
  4. Do something you enjoy doing. Why? Because when you’re a miserable fuck, you’re also probably an asshole to yourself and others around you. Doing something enjoyable is scientifically proven to reduce your assholeness level by up to 10% in one session. Follow me for more completely true facts. 
  5. Drink more water. Don’t be a dehydrated bitch. 
    Drink Water Drinking GIF by The Good Type Co
  6. Get plenty of rest. Remember what I said about how when you’re a miserable fuck you’re also an asshole to everyone around you? This is also true for sleep deprived and cranky people. 
  7. Be on time. Be respectful of other people’s time and hold yourself accountable. Plan ahead, show up early. Do what you gotta do. 
    Dont Be Late Snoop Dogg GIF by Cameo
  8. Ask yourself what the best version of yourself would do? Not sure what to eat for breakfast? What would the best version of yourself eat for breakfast? You can ask yourself this same question whether it’s what to wear or an important life decision. 
  9. Do something just to be kind. Don’t tell anyone, don’t post about it, just do it. 
  10. Learn something new. When you learn new shit, you’re literally growing new neural pathways in your brain and strengthening old ones. Watch a documentary, read a nonfiction book, find someone on social media who educates you on something. Pick something you’re interested in. This isn’t supposed to be boring. This is just my own theory, but as an asshole specialist, learning something new makes you feel wise and accomplished and gives you a sense of purpose and feelings of confidence and increased self-esteem. These are all traits of a person who has mastered the art of not being an asshole. 
    Martial Arts Reaction GIF by Arrow Video

Okay, so to sum that shit up. We have. 

  1. Be present 
  2. Meditate
  3. Go outside
  4. Do something you enjoy doing
  5. Drink more water
  6. Get plenty of rest
  7. Be on time
  8. Ask yourself, what would the best version of me do?
  9. Do something kind just to be kind
  10. Learn something new

Follow these steps for the rest of the month and tune into my mini tv series called how to not be an asshole for weekly guidance. It’s not actually on TV, it’s on Instagram and Tik Tok but it has  TV on it and like and old school film reel count down at the beginning so it’s a TV show if I say it is. 

TV gif. Dog the Bounty Hunter as a passenger in an SUV staring out as the car window rolls up.