Maybe it’s the combination of adulting + no sleep + caffeine + marijuana but man, I feel on top of the world right now and compelled to write. So here the fuck I am Internet.
I had a job interview this morning and it went pretty well. However, after sitting on my couch and overanalyzing the shit out of the conversation while smoking a joint, I couldn’t help but feel like there were so many things left unsaid on my part.
You know, like when you get in a huge argument with someone and then later you think of all the things you could’ve said differently? And sometimes it’s more mature than what came out of your mouth but oftentimes it’s reverting back to a 3-year-old state. No? Just me? Okay.
Here are some Q + A of how the interview should have gone and all of the things I left unsaid …
Fancy Manager: Why do you want to work here?
Me: Because you have a neon light-up sign outside of your restroom that says “please don’t do coke in the bathroom,” velvet curtains, and serve waffles all day. Why the fuck would I not want to work here?”
FM: Why are you leaving your current job?
Me: First of all, I already left that mofo, I just don’t want to look like a sack of shit right now. And I left because it was sucking every ounce of happiness out of my soul for the agonizing 6 hours that I had to be there on any given shift.
But also, I could’ve gone total Napoleon Dynamite here and just simply said, “because I feel like it. Gosh!”
FM: Do you have any questions for me?
Me: The stickers on your laptop indicate you smoke copious amounts of marijuana, do you think cannabis bars with zero alcohol are the future of nightlife?
FM: Well, it was nice to meet you. Thanks for coming in. I’ll send you an email if we decide to move forward in hiring you.
Me: Yeah, yeah. Cut the crap, buddy, and just tell me the good news already.