10 Ways to be Less of an Asshole this Month (July 23)
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Fuck the Status Quo podcast in blog form. It’s your host, Dr. Ellie Blake the world’s leading (and only) asshole specialist.
Today, I’m going to give you guys another 10 ways you can be less of an asshole this
Alright, remember my intro where I’m like “the more people becoming the best version of themselves means the less assholes. I’m down for that. Are you down for that? Alright, lets go! Da naaaa naaaa da naaaaa naaaa ddddddd pwwwwww!
Yeah, so don’t talk about it be about it. Annnnnd here’s 10 ways you can be less of an asshole this month.
- Use your damn turn signal. It takes a split second. It’s requires little to no effort from you. You can DO it.
- If the toilet paper roll is empty at your house, change that shit. It will not cause brain damage or the Earth to come off of it’s axis sending us plummeting into a black hole.
- Practice self-awareness. You guys … what I mean by this is be introspective as fuck. Recognize that the way you were raised, the society you grew up in, the history that has happened around you in your lifetime, your emotions, your thoughts, your beliefs … those are all completely unique to you and they all work together to impact how you see the world and how you respond to things. It’s important to be aware of these things and recognize these differences in not only yourself but others as well. No one has lived the same human experience. Not a single one of us. Be conscious of that.
- Hold yourself accountable. There is a moment in life that I think everybody needs to go through at least once, if not multiple times. At some point, you have GOT to sit there and say, “maybe it’s me.” And this can be such a hard thing to accept, most people never get to that point of acceptance, they just blame everyone around them for their shitty situations. But take accountability and ask yourself, “what have I done to contrible to or enable this situation? What role have I played in this? How could I have prevented or avoided this situation? How can I prevent this from happening again?”
- Ask yourself, how can you be better than the person you were yesterday? Cause that’s all we’re really up against.
- Assess what is no longer serving you and let it go. This can be a shit part of growing up. Whether it’s a job, a relationship, a friendship, a fuckin’ pair of jeans that have been patched so many damn times there’s a literal irrepable hole where the fabric is too thin to be fucked with any more but you bought them when you were 16 on Black Friday with your Nana and it was the most expensive purchase you had ever made to date and you really like them so you just want them to still fit even though you’re 40 pounds heavier and they don’t fucking fit anymore, or you know, just something like that. Like that wasn’t specific at all. Move on, homie. Let it go. No, you don’t need to cut out the pocket and hang it on your wall you fucking psychopath.
- Don’t interrupt people when they are speaking. Control yourself. I’m talking to myself here because I can be bad about this at times. Get it together, ELIZABETH.
- If you have a penis, and live with a woman or share a bathroom with a female, put down the toilet seat after you’re done. Catastrophic things can occur if you don’t.
- Water your house plants. Last month I told you guys you could be less of an asshole by not being a dehydrated bitch. This month I’m telling you, your plants don’t want to be dehydrated bitches either. Because, first of all, keeping plants alive makes you feel good and they’re nice to look at and, you know, cleaner the air and shit. But ALSO, your houseplants did not sign up to be your houseplant so don’t have them in a home of neglect and abuse, you fucking monster.
- Walk your dog. It’s good for them, it’s good for you. It’s a bonding moment. Don’t get a dog if you don’t want to take care of a dog.
- Here’s a bonus for you - while you’re walking your dog, clean up their shit! Nobody wants to step in poop, no one wants your dog’s poop in their yard. This is part of being a dog owner. Deal with it. Clean that shit … LITERALLY … up.
Alright, you guys, I’ve told you what you can do this month to reduce the asshole-ness level of the planet. It’s gonna take all of us, collectively, taking action and deliberate steps to not be a fuckin’ asshole. And I’ not saying it’s for the faint or weak hearted, because it’s not.
You got this bitch!