Patriots Birthday Card

Snarky Birthday Card for Fans of the Dynasty (Or So They Think)

Know someone who never misses an opportunity to remind you of the Patriots' Super Bowl rings? Give them a birthday card that scores as many points in humor as Tom Brady did in New England.

Front: "Happy birthday even though you're a fucking Patriots fan." (Yup, we snapped that one right into the end zone. Because it was high time someone deflated that ego.)

Features & Details:

• Dimensions: Precisely crafted at 5in x 7in (A7 card size)—just the right size to fit between their endless Super Bowl DVDs.
• Material: Printed on exceptionally high-quality cardstock paper that's as slick as a Bill Belichick press conference.
• Extras: Includes an extra kraft envelope, since we know Patriots fans love a good backup (just ask Jimmy Garoppolo).
• Protection: Carefully sealed in a cello sleeve. This card’s integrity will remain intact, we promise.

Shipping:

• Method: Dispatched via USPS Ground Advantage. We can't guarantee a championship parade, but we can ensure timely delivery.
• Tracking: Naturally, it comes with tracking info. Keep tabs on this card like it’s an in-game video recording.

Our Guarantee: Every card is backed by our Patriotically Snarky Satisfaction Guarantee. If your Patriots-loving friend doesn’t enjoy this card more than a scandal-free season, reach out. We’ll make it right, no questions asked.

Add to cart faster than a Patriots fan shouting, "Six rings!" This year, make their birthday as memorable as their team's storied (and controversial) history.